


General Madness

by BsWritingFriends



Category: Original Work
Genre: Adopted Children, Adopted Sibling Relationship, Crack Treated Seriously, Family Feels, Fluff and Crack, Forced Marriage, Harry Potter References, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Kinda, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Screenplay/Script Format, Slow To Update, Tags May Change, sometimes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-22
Updated: 2020-03-11
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:22:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22840129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BsWritingFriends/pseuds/BsWritingFriends
Summary: A sit-com/soap opera style story in which people who shouldn't have kids try to raise kids.Written in script/screenplay format
Relationships: Original Character(s)/Original Character(s)





	1. Intro

*happy upbeat music*

[A woman in a suit and tie is seen carrying a suitcase, she quickly walks through airport security]

“Featuring

[scene changes to the women looking out an airplane window]

Kennedy as the wife on a “business trip”

[Scene change to the kitchen table. A short woman who appears to be growing a blond mullet is typing on a computer. The audience can see she is wearing a button-up shirt. A knife flies over her head and is impaled into the wall. The woman continues typing.]

Asa. The totally done secretary.

[The camera pans to the dining room where we see a man dressed in ripped jeans a wrinkled t-shirt preparing to throw another knife. Before he can a pair of unknown hands holds him down]

Stephen. The maniac druggie of a father.

[We see the person who’s holding down Stephen. A man wearing a suit and tie with a briefcase at hir feet. In the front pocket of his suit, we can see a gun]

Sebastian. The father who is possibly a mob lord.

[The camera goes up a set of stairs, down a messy hallway, and into an open room. A woman dressed up like a 90’s punk is seen at a computer. We can see that she is looking up how to get a divorce]

Sam. The one sane woman.

[The camera goes backward till we’re in the kitchen. A woman in a simple blue dress is seen cooking dinner as she sips wine. Sitting around the kitchen island is a huge group of kids texting or doing homework]

Emma. The one person with paternal instincts.

[The camera flips and is now focusing on one of the kids texting. Emma’s hand comes onto the screen and taps the homework the teen is supposed to be doing. The boy rolls his eyes and starts to work.]

Shawn. The rebellious teen.

[The camera pans over to two ten-year-olds pouring over sheet music. One has mousy brown hair and a Packers jacket, the other has black hair and a shirt with pineapples on it]

Matthew and Cameron. The band twins.

[The camera moves over to where a 7.5 -year-old was attempting to do math homework. Emma’s hand appears and gives the child a calculator]

Bree. The model child(by this family’s standards)

[The camera moves over to the last of the kids. Two, kindergartens attempting to color in the lines on their homework]

Andy and Lily. The chaos toddlers.

* * *

Ep 1: Intro

[We see Sebastian kicking a clearly high Stephen outside]

Sebastian: You know Emma and Sam aren’t going to let you around the kids high.

Stephen: We are a family of 11 people!! If I don’t eat now, there’ll be nothing left.

Sebastin[rolling eyes]: The only people who know how to cook in this house are an Italian and a Puerto Rican, there will be more than enough food for you.

[The screen changes to the kitchen where Emma and Sam can be seen finishing dinner]

Sam: Kids!! Get down here!

Emma: I’ll get them, you set the table.

[Emma walked upstairs and entered a room. The sign on the door proclaimed “ Matthew and Cameron’s room of awesomeness ”]

Emma[knocking on the door]: Boys, time for supper!

[ When she doesn’t receive an answer she opens the door. Matthew and Cameron look up from a giant pentagram on the floor. The pentagram is surrounded by candles, and the middle is filled with band instruments]

Emma[with a raised eyebrow]: What are you two doing exactly?

Matthew[guilty]: Trying to summon a band director?

Emma: Well you two can wait till after supper to do that. Put out the candles, wash your hands, and go help your aunt set the table. 

Matthew and Cameron: Yes, Emma.

[They go to do as they are told as Emma moves to the next door. We can hear loud music blaring out the door, the sign says “ Shawn’s Room stay out or die ” Emma rolls her eyes and pounds on the door]

Emma: Shawn! Supper! Out now! 

[ The music shuts off and Shawn comes out grumbling but does as he is told]

[Emma walks to the other side of the hall where a door is simply labeled “ Bree ”. Emma raps lightly on the door and seconds later Bree comes out the door.]

Emma: Supper is ready. Pop downstairs and wash your hands, please.

Bree: Okay!

[Bree skips down the hallway and goes downstairs as Emma walks to the final door. The sign reads, “Andy and Lily’s room” Emma knocks on the door and when she received no answer goes inside. Andy and Lily are sitting on a blue bed watching _Bambi,_ Emma grabs the remote and pauses the movie.]

Emma: Go wash up for supper. You can finish the movie tomorrow after school. 

Andy: What’s for dinner?

Emma: Manicotti and focaccia.

Andy & Lily: Ewww

Lily: That sounds yucky!

Emma[deadpan]: It’s cheesy pizza rolls with sauce on top and bread.

Lily: That sounds yummy!

[The toddlers run downstairs and Emma calmly follows, with her head in her palm. The camera flips to the kitchen table, where all the children are arguing where they should sit. Sam walks in and claps her hands]

Sam: We [clap] have [clap] a [clap] seating [clap] chart [clap] for [clap] a [clap] reason! Spots everyone!

[The children pause then quickly scramble into their correct spots]

[Emma walks into the kitchen and then returns to the table with a glass of wine. She sets it down at her spot and takes a small sip]

Emma: Asa no computers at the table.

Asa: But the budget!

Emma: Budget time later, food time now.

[Grumbling Asa complies. Sam starts serving food and Emma walks to the back porch]

Emma: Hey Stephen are you sobe- 

Stephen: Look a unicorn 

Emma: That’s a no.

Stephen: But the unicorn.

Emma: When the unicorn leaves you can come in and eat.

Stephen: Yayyy

[Emma walks back into the house and sits down at the table amongst all the arguing]

Sebastian: You’re my wife!

Sam: I was forced and you know it!

Andy: Mom! Matthew’s kicking me!

Matthew: Am not!

Andy: Are two

Sebastian: Stop arguing!

Matthew: You’re not in charge of me!

Cameron: Yeah! You’re not our dad!

Emma: [ sighs and takes a sip of wine] Matthew and Andy stop antagonizing each other and eat. Matthew and Cameron respect your uncle, and Shawn stop trying to hide your vegetables.

[ Kayden, Matthew, Cameron, and Sebastian stop arguing and eat their food, glaring at each other. Shawn looks at Emma angrily but does as he is told.]

Bree: Can I go get more bread, please?

Sam: Yeah go ahead.

Lily: I want more too!

Sam: You have to finish your manicotti first.

Lily: But Bree got more!

Sam: Bree had finished everything on her plate and asked nicely. 

[Lily huffs and sits with her arms crossed, Sam just looks on with a raised eyebrow. At this time Stephen walks in looking soberer and sits down at the table next to Matthew]

Stephen: [Looking at Matthew] Who are you?

Matthew: [glaring] Your son.

[Stephen’s eyes widen and she quickly looks down and starts to eat her food. Seeing this interaction Sam waves down the table to catch Emma’s attention]

Emma: [looking up] Hmm?

Sam:[Mouthing] Can I have some of your wine later?

Emma: [ nods]

{Scene fades to night time and then morning}

[The scene opens up too early morning and Matthew and Cameron are standing in a hallway. Matthew has a clarinet and Cameron a trumpet]

Cameron: This is going to be so much fun.

Matthew: We’re going to be in so much trouble.

[They take deep breaths and start to play their instruments as loudly as possible. As expected loud cursing and crying start to echo down the halls]

Emma: Was that really needed you two.

[The scene has changed and now Emma is talking to the boys from across the island. The other kids are dressed for school and are running around trying to eat and pack lunches. We see the other adults all sitting at a table groaning]

Matthew: [innocently] You’re always talking about how hard it is to wake everyone up-

Cameron: So we decided to help!

[Emma chuckles before going to go serve the other adults coffee and grab her tea]

Cameron: [whispered to Matthew] Do you think we’re off the hook?

Matthew: Maybe if we-

Emma:[returns smiling] If you two want to help me so badly you can do the dishes for the rest of the week.

Matthew & Cameron: [groans]

End intro


	2. This is why we can't have lunch dates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Emma leave for the afternoon, everything spirals downward very soon afterward.

Episode 1

This is why we can’t have lunch dates

* * *

[The scene starts and we can see Sam and Emma getting ready to go somewhere. Sebastian walks in and looks confused]

Sebastian: Where are you two going?!

Sam: Why would we te-

Emma: We’re going out to lunch with Meta and Hunter ...like we do every Wednesday.

Sebastian: Since when?!

Sam: Since last year you no go-

Emma: And we are going to be late if we don’t hurry. [Turning to Sebastin] And make sure the kids eat lunch and do their schoolwork.

Sebastian: It’s a Wednesday, you guys should be home by then. 

Emma: [exasperated] The kids get home early on Wednesday like they’ve been doing since they started school.

Sebastian:[shocked] So you’re leaving  _ me _ to watch however many kids we have.

Sam: [walking towards the door] Of course not. We’re leaving you  _ and Stephen  _ to watch the kids.

Emma:[happily] Have fun!

[Door closes on Sebastian’s sputtering protests. Scene ends]

{Theme song}

* * *

[New scene opens in the living room, Sebastian is pacing and keeps looking at the clock, Stephen is smoking…. something and Asa is typing away on her computer obliviously]

Sebastin[sounding stressed]: Why are they leaving us with the kids! Me and Stephen shouldn’t be left with kids!

Asa: Stephen and I.

Stephen[slurred slightly]: Why not? We're GREAT with kids.

[Sebastin and Asa look at him with raised eyebrows before turning back.]

[The door slams open and Matthew and Cameron enter, arguing loudly as their siblings/cousins follow. They all sit down on the kitchen island and look around expectantly.]

Shawn [angrily]: Where’s lunch!

[The others chime in looking around confused. At this point the adults in the house realize that the kids are used to having lunch waiting for them, and may not take kindly to having to wait for it themselves or worse  _ make it themselves _ .]

Sebastian: Oh shi-

{Scene Change}

* * *

[Outside a cafe the audience can see Emma and Sam calmly eating lunch with Meta and Hunter. Emma and Meta are talking over a piece of paper, Sam and Hunter appear to be having a “friendly” debate]

* * *

{Scene Change}

[The camera pans back onto the kitchen island. All of the kids are grumpy as they eat hastily made sandwiches. The audience can hear multiple quiet complaints about they “don’t like this flavor”, “It’s not cut properly”, “Why are the crusts still on?” and so forth.]

Sebastian: [With a forced smile] Okay kids so who’s ready to be productive and do your homework! [Under breath]: Please do your work so Sam and Emma don’t murder me.

[Hearing this all the kids gained  _ the look.  _ The same look shared by kids when they walk into class and realize they have an 80+-year-old substitute]

Matthew [faking confusion]: Homework? We never get homework, right Cam? 

[Matthew nudges Cameron with his elbow]

Cameron [catching on]: Oh yeah, totally, we  _ never _ get any homework.

[All the other kids start nodding and agreeing even golden child Bree]

Sebastian: Um, okay, one... second. [Sticks head into the living room where Asa and Stephen are] Hey do you guys know if the kids have homework or not?

[Stephen is now high as a kite and just mumbles something about unicorns and Scotland. Asa waves her hand about as she continues typing. Sebastian shrugs and turns back to the kids.]

Sebastian: Well I guess you kids don't have homework then.

[Sebastian will later regret not calling Emma or Sam to confirm this, but that's a problem for future Sebastian. Meanwhile, the kids all gain a dangerous gleam in their eyes before they scatter throughout the house.]

Sebastian [slowly]: I’m beginning to have  _ regrets. _

{Montage Time!}

* * *

[The first scene opens into Lily and Andy’s room, Lily is holding a very realistic doll of Shawn and a concerning amount of pins. Andy is sitting quietly looking at her curiously.]

Andy: Are you _ sure  _ this'll work?

Lily: Of course! I saw it during  Princess and the Frog and  _ everybody _ knows that if something is on T.V it's true.

Andy: Oh okay, that makes sense.

[Lily nods then proceeds to stab the ever-living daylights out of the doll.]

[Scene change to Shawn’s room where he’s writhing in pain.]

[Scene change to Matthew and Cameron’s room, the twins are gathering mass amounts of band instruments and arranging them around the room.] 

Matthew [triumphantly]: There! Now we can summon a band director for the state competition!

Cameron: [Holding his arms out] Wait.

Matthew: What now!

Cameron: Don't we need an orchestra kid to sacrifice for this to work? 

Matthew: Damn it your right, well where are we supposed to find one of those this late!?

[After some consideration both Matthew and Cameron sneak out the window to find and presumably kidnap some poor orchestra kid.]

[Scene change to Bree’s room where the family’s golden child sits quietly and draws… something.]

{Location Change!}

* * *

[The camera is back at the cafe Emma and Sam are, everybody appears to be packing up and saying goodbye.]

{Location Change!}

* * *

[Back at the house things have only gotten worse, Lily is chasing Shawn around the living room whilst cackling like a madwoman. Shawn is running away from his 5-year-old cousin. Andy is watching them confused, and a much more sober Stephen is trying desperately to get them to stop.]

[Upstairs Sebastian is yelling at Matthew and Cameron for trying to summon a band director. Behind them, the audience can see a hog-tied kid trying to inch towards the window. They succeed and escape while Sebastian continues yelling.]

[At the kitchen table Asa is typing away at her computer while Bree finally does her homework.]

[Emma and Sam walk through the front door.]

Emma: Hey everyone we're...home.

[While Emma looks at the house in disappointment, Sam begins to yell at Sebastian and Stephen.]

Sam [yelling]: WE GAVE YOU TWO ONE SIMPLE JOB! HOW HARD IS IT TO MAKE SURE A COUPLE KIDS DO THEIR HOMEWORK! 

Emma: Okay kids, clean up your mess, stop torturing your housemates and do your homework or you're all on kitchen duty for a month!

[The kids pause and then scramble to get stuff done]

{Time Change!}

* * *

[It’s now nighttime and Sebastian and Stephen are sitting glumly in the living room after being chewed out by Emma and Sam. Asa is typing away at her computer before she shuts it off and closes it.]

Asa: Okay I’m ready to help you two with the kids.

[Sebastin and Stephen just stare at her.]

Asa: What?

{Location Change!}

* * *

[We see the orchestra kid the twins kidnapped hopping home, there are still tied up, it's almost morning, poor kid. And that’s Emma and Sam can never have nice things.]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was written by Mod: Bookmom

**Author's Note:**

> This chapter was written by Mod: Bookmom


End file.
